Sarcasm and Other Facebook Flair Quotes

Here are some of my favorite flair sayings and what not. They always make me laugh...

National Sarcasm Society: Like we need your support

Did you know if you say "gullible" slowly, it sounds like green beans?

Sarcasm: The body's natural defense against stupid

Me? Sarcastic? Nooo....

Some people are like slinkies: Basically useless but they bring a smile to you face when you push them down stairs

In case of fire, use stairs (picture of a guy beating flames with stairs)

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

To err is human, to arr is pirate

PETA People Eating Tasty Animals

If at first you don't succeed, skydivingn is not for you

Worst time to have a heart attack: during a game of charades

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, i'd be unstoppable

You are now aware you can not say "Irish Wristwatch"

My New Mattress

For the last month or so, we have been trying to work out a way to get my new bed home. There was a mattress at Greg’s moms house that was lightly used and she wanted us to take it away. We tried several times to get it over here (she lives in Washington) but it never worked out. Last weekend, we went over for my brother Josh’s wedding to Lacey and we brought it back with us. Today, we brought out my old bed and brought in the new one. I vacuumed it and was relaxing on it in the living room. I looked at Mom and jokingly said “I’m gonna sorta miss the way the old mattress sagged in the middle. It was a comfy, cradle-like rut.” We laughed and then I got up to haul it down to my room. In it went and then I plopped it on the box spring and SURPRISE!!! It wasn’t a full size but a queen! Obviously, it didn’t fit. I then lugged it back up the stairs, looked up at the ceiling and yelled “I was just kidding God!!! I wouldn’t really miss the sag!!!” Now, Mo and I are lounging on the old mattress and my new mattress is upstairs on Mom and Greg’s box spring. So much for my new bed!!!

Naughty Rachel!

I havent written in so long! I have to get back on top of this and write more. Of course, I dont have time right now.....